The Fiasco that was Beijing

Before we get to the good stuff, it is necessary to explain what actually happened to us in Beijing. Both happy, funny people, Brianna and I are not easily disheartened when traveling. Our mishaps generate our best stories, and language barriers are an excuse to play charades. So for us to be sitting in the airport this afternoon, moments away from screaming, tears or both, and actually contemplating sleeping near the customs line for two days, it had to be pretty bad. I will state this as quickly as possible, but it needs to be said.

144 hours of frustration:

48 hours (with the time change)–We fly into Beijing at 6pm, take a bus to what is supposedly Tiananmen Square, and get dropped off in a random scary neighborhood after dark. We walk, and walk, and cannot find a hotel, or hostel, or any sort of recognizable sign, our backpacks are much heavier than imagined, the time change is hitting us, we haven't slept in 40 hours, we go to a hotel and they stare at us, we leave and go to another with a cartoon theme, it's expensive so we go back to the first, we spend a lot of time playing charades, we get a room, our key doesn't work, we were using the wrong key card, (why are there two if one isn't meant to be used?), we get many odd looks, Brianna goes to get water, she gets lost, we fall asleep at 9pm. 

72 hours– We leave to find Internet, a hostel and food. We walk for 50 minutes without finding any of the above. We almost collapse from the weight of our bags, (are we wearing them wrong?), we text friends and family in the U.S. for help, we sit on a curb in a dirty area like homeless people, our backpacks are taller than us while we're sitting, people text back addresses, taxi drivers don't know where we want to go, one takes us to Tiananmen Square, (pronounced tiamaaa), turns out we were nowhere near it last night, we walk some more, no Internet, we see a McDonald's (rejoice!), but you cannot use Internet there unless you have a Chinese mobile phone number, we convince a girl to give us hers, she thinks we're crazy, it still doesn't work, the hashbrown was not the same, Brianna has reached her limit, two Israeli backpackers sit down near us and offer to take us to their hostel, (they're only eating McDonald's for every meal because they're afraid. Seriously. We told them to watch Supersize Me), their hostel is full, we go to another, we finally get a room, we check our email, I have a message that my contact lenses have been recalled and I should discontinue use immediately, we try to buy breakfast but get a bag of cream puffs somehow, we resume our homeless position on a stoop, we go on an adventure, we get harassed, we get spit on, we get endless stares, I morph into a zoo creature that people take photos of, (sometimes asking, sometimes not), we walk at least 8 miles, we try to find food by the Olympic grounds, we end up on a street with barred windows and children using trees for bathrooms, we try to take the subway back, we get off at the wrong stop, we spend 30yuan on water because we're desperate, we haven't eaten in 11 hours, we eat rice with soy sauce out of a bucket, we collapse in bed. 

96 hours–We go to the bank, it rains, we go on a hunt for shampoo, it doesn't exist, not even at Sephora. We see hundreds of men with not very nice bodies walking around with shirts folded up and their bellies hanging out, (next project:menwhothinktheyrebuddha.com), we take the subway to the train station, then we walk through the rain for half an hour, we arrive at the station, along with a million other people, we get swept up in the masses, we are pushed, we are surrounded by cartoon, we find an English speaking counter, we wait, and wait, we get to the counter to find the train to Hong Kong is booked until Monday, we cannot wait until Monday because our flight to Indonesia leaves then from Hong Kong, we have to fly, we try to get a cab back to the hostel, they all say no but we don't know why, we break the law and run across the highway with our bright green ponchos flying, we get more stares but at least now we know why, we pay way too much for a cab that finally will take us, we search for flights and finally settle on some for twice as much as we expected to pay for the train, we go to meet our friend Chris, it takes forever, a very rude man continues to turn and stare from four inches away from me even when I tell him to stop, we start refusing when people ask for pictures with me, we turn kind of mean, we go to the Forbidden City, we end up in a side garden, the woman thinks we didn't pay, we leave, we go to the actual Forbidden City, they're not letting anyone in, we wait for Chris for an hour and a half, we go to a restaurant, I go outside to wait for Chris, the hostess pulls me back inside, we eat, we sleep. 

120 hours–We're supposed to go to the great wall, but it's raining, so it's closed. (This day actually did get better eventually).

144 hours–We wake up at 4am for our flight to Hong Kong, we get dropped off at the wrong terminal, we're told Hong Kong airlines does not exist, (it does). We make it to terminal 2, we are forced to throw out our contact solution at security, we board just in time. While on the flight I wait in line for the restroom and a short, stout, angry woman barges through the curtain and starts yelling to the flight attendant and stretching side to side and up and down in rapid motions, then she does an angry hip stretch/dance move and runs away, I am overwhelmed and want hummus, instead we get a slab of ham. We arrive in Hong Kong, we really need to throw half our belongings out because our backpacks are killing us, we find every hotel and hostel in Hong Kong is booked because the Asia Expo is this weekend. The internet stops working, we collapse on a bench near customs, we stay there for three and a half hours trying to fly out of Hong Kong, find an open room, or beg someone to take us with them. We end up staying at a four star resort because it is literally our last option. The last hour at the airport was spent debating whether we should spend the money or live on the benches or find a forest to sleep in instead. The cab ride to our hotel is twice what we were told, we just want to sleep and not kill each other or the driver. We get food, it is awful, we get Pizza Hut in a moment of weakness, it's not great either. We nestle into beds and skyping and hoping tomorrow's better, then our toilet breaks. Maintenance doesn't know what a plunger is and I can't act it out over the phone. They come fix it, but it's not really fixed, they come again, not really fixed, they come a third time and explain the three flush maneuver we're apparently supposed to use. We complain to our parents, they think we're overreacting. We eat some chocolate, (we have to eat something), we sleep. 

We're normally very good travelers. I don't know what's going on. We're hoping we got everything disastrous out of the way so now it can only get better.  Despite our clearly catastrophic five days, we're in pretty upbeat moods. I mean, Brianna and I laugh about everything anyway, which is sometimes a problem, like when we tell people we're "fuming" but we have giant grins on our face and they cannot take us seriously. Watch our videos and look at our pictures and hope that we have a travel show someday!